Dilip Muralidaran

Yuvipanda and Surajram started this entire stuff. Random bitching about other people bitching on boybands and girlbands. Finally it landed in GTA via michael jackson. I’m just gonna add to more ideas from this perspective.

We’ve all played Grand Theft Auto and many of us know how famous the GTA 4 version of the game is. Well, what if the next version of GTA was decided to have its roots in tamil nadu? What would game play be like? How would missions compare to the ones in the previous versions where you are the bad guy and do lots of stuff. Lets try and visualize some of them…

Mission #1: Rush through mount road traffic and beat the crowd and get a first day, first show ticket for Rajini padam release in Sri Brindha theatre, madhavaram

Mission #2: Gather 20000 people for a katchi meeting for least amount of money and biriyaani packets and ensure all of them clap every 2 minutes.

Mission #3: Stick aalum katchi posters in ethir katchi area sevuru without getting caught by ethir katchi area pasanga. (maatina dunguvaaru aruthuruvaanga )

Mission #4: Drive a two wheeler without helmet after 25th of a month in mount road under the condition that you don’t get caught by mama under gemini fly-over or near the SBI, thousand lights branch.

Mission #5: Spend 30 crore rupees in 30 days. You can buy assets, accumulate wealth but only condition is you should not take auto for oor suththifying chennai (this one is tough nuts to crack!)

Mission #6: Drive thanni lorry from Jamalia to padi under the condition you wash the roads by leaking water all along, yet have enough left water so that bubleec does not find out & you dont kill people on the way by running them over.

Mission #7: Skillfully tailgate a speeding ambulance thereby skipping signals and breaking traffic rules at peak hour traffic in the city. Avoid getting crushed by other speeders tailgating you or you yourself manna kavving after getting distracted by matter padam posters on road side sevuru.

Mission #8: Avoid using any of the golden words like “o.”, “the…”, “poo..”, “la…” when speaking with area pasanga in nochikuppam. Minimum conversation duration is about 20 seconds.

Mission #9: Eat maximum number of Bajji’s by sandwiching them in between news paper and pressing to skillfully as to not to damage the bajji but extract all oil from it. (Caution: Each ML of oil will reduce life by 2%.) Then sell the left over oil for a good price in a nearby annachi kadai for funding sarakku + side dish that evening in tasmac.

Mission #10: Become a ko pa se for a political party and convince people that your thaleevar first claimed to be the indian obama and so he is definitely the indian obama.

Mission #11: Direct the maximum number of mega serials and use tears collected from thamizh makkal in prime time and store it in retteri and puzhaleri tank. De-salinate and treat the water and use that water to solve tamilnadu water crisis.

Mission #12: Collect mammool from everyone in town and divert funds recieved to all poly tasions in thamizh nadu. Distribute funds in direct proportion to measurement of pregnant pot bellys of ettu. Earn commision in this process.

Limited Edition CD Bonus Missions:

Bonus Mission #13: Build as many road side temples as possible and vasool pannify from them undiyals as much as you can. Start a TV channel with such money made through instant platform kovils.

Bonus Mission #14: Telecast useless dance programs, “manam thirandhu pesugiraar, vijay” kind of interviews, skewed news giving head count on ethir katchi thaleevars samsaaram and other mini minsaarams that he has. Use this popularity to contest and win elections or better collect nivaarana nidhi for a calamity that does not exist.

Thats it for now folks, if you have more though, please feel free to add it in the comments section.