Dear People of various kind who come from all sorts of places that have one thing in common, you want to hate Chennai but you don’t know how. All you can say is “Chennai Sucks” on twitter, blogs and forums/websites i empathize with you and i feel your pain.
Here are some pointers that will not make you look like a fool that you may be for real, instead it would make you appear that you really do have a valid reason to be hating Chennai. If you follow the instructions i give you carefully in this blog post, you would look cool amidst your Amitus Abeyarus kind.
If you follow my 5 points you will certainly be someone. Someone whom people think have some masala in their talks and its not pure gas, the ones that come excessively post a couple of butter parathas & aloo mutter.
1. Auto’s in Chennai suck, they fleece and cheat people and they are rude to them. Really, this is possibly the best point one can make against Chennai & you cannot find a valid rebuttal from none of the losers living who live in Chennai when they try defend their city as and when you abuse it. I mean why do you care that there is a language issue and you cannot bargain with auto-karans (wallas) like them stupid Tamils do and get a better deal. You cannot bargain in Tamil & that’s the end of it. You are too holy to ask some dark skinned smelly Tamil guy on the roads who maybe friendly enough to speak to the auto guy for you and help you with things but no, not really needed. Keep your fair skinned supremacy to yourself and don’t let them blackenese get close to you. Why do you need to use the public transport, especially the trains which are far less crowded than Mumbai or the MRTS which is a fabulous facility when speaking of public transport. Auto’s are bad, its a historical fact that cant be changed tomorrow and Chennai needs to be hated for that, now go get it!
2. Nobody speaks the National Language of India, “Hindi”. Yes, unruly, uncultured, ill mannered and unpatriotic Tamil’s. No it does not matter that India does not have the concept of National Language and Hindi is not the national language of India. We have Official Languages and Hindi/English which definitely is but so are the regional languages of the state that are official languages for government communication as well. Its okay, do diss Chennai for this. You can’t find a madrasi complain that no one speaks Tamil in New Delhi or Mumbai but so what? Despite the fact that tamilnadu has never been invaded by any of them mughals and they have never had the need or come under the circumstances where they’ve had the need to communicate in Hindi. Those non-hindi speaking Chennai’tes are definitely country brutes and they deserve all the flack they get.
3. The Chennai weather sucks. What do you expect? Its just like the bleady food they eat, its hot as hell! Yes, people in Chennai have no control over the weather, it is naturally so because that’s how the topography works out to be. Chennai is hot and sultry and its humid and its complete turn off for anyone. Chennai people do not have a weather machine to control their weather, nor can the north indians control their uber freezing winter but what the hell. Chennai is hot and chennai sucks and its your birthright to complain and insult chennai for something that it cannot help change or that it did not cause in the first place.
4. Chennai food sucks! You cannot get good dhal and roti here anywhere. It does not matter if the population of Chennai majorly consumes rice. You have the right to hate dosa (btw its ‘dosai’ actually) just because, well you need something to hate so why not? No paratha’s, no aloo ghobi. Chennai food sucks. Why? Because it does, period.
5. No hot girls in Chennai! Can’t see them tight salwar wearing big round booty showing jean clad girls in Chennai. Nor can you talk or make comments obscenely at girls in Chennai roads without getting thrashed. Even the prostitutes you find here are so black skinned and dirty. Yes, Chennai has lesser of the sexual harassment on the roads and the violence as well but who cares. You cannot find girls that show skin, nor can you find good prostitutes. Chennai Sucks!
There you go. If you follow these five pointers and build on top of it using your creativity you are one of the elite Chennai hater who would be respected and admired in the internet on communities on orkut named Chennai Sucks which have awesome topics to discuss like “Lungi Hatao Poongi Bhajao” that elevates your intellectual capabilities to the stars.
Revs says:
Abey Chennai Suxxxx yaar. Yes. This is the correct spelling of sucks. For e.g: Delhi roxxxxx. More the number of “X”s u add, the more Amit you are. Obviously you are not as cool as an Amit. I mean it is sooo much more cooler to say suxxx and write stuff like “I cnt stnd chnai wthr maaan. so ht so swty, suxxxx all de tym yaar”
Anyway that apart, a few other things which you have left out about “sucky” Chennai
1. Chennai mein there are not many pubs and places to “hang” out yaaar. Again and again you have to go to the beach and eat sundal yaar. Suxxx.
2. Most of the theatres (except multiplexes) show only Tamil movies yaar. Well, most of the theatres in Kolkata show Bengali movies, in Cochin show Malayalam movies but well never mind. Chennai Suxxx nevertheless.
3. Spencer plaza and Citi Centre ke alawa there is no other cool place in Chennai. Suxxxx.
P.S: I think sarcasm would be wasted on Amits. I wouldnt be surprised if an Amit left a comment here saying “I totlly agree wit u yaar. I ve bin in dis city 4 2 yrs n i toh cmpltly hate it. Suxxxx”
6th March 2010 at 7:34 am
Wannabe Amit says:
Well, well,
As my name says, I am Wannabe Amit.
Alright, no sarcasm really. Why? Because being “The Amit” is so cool that if it was any more cold, I would have running nose(that too in a hot as hell place like Chennai)
Okay so where was I? I am bronze colored North Indian (oh, Amit as you call us), spent 6 years in Chennai.*gasp*
Yeah, its hot, no doubt; Police behave as if they are the in-laws(satyama), Bessie undergoes a blackout, a curfew and becomes a war zone all combined into one almost by 11.00, but well I still remember Chennai as a different place.
Partly because, I enjoyed watching people there. I dont know why, I like the folks out there. Mylapore was one of the places which reminded me, of a melting pot of sorts(btw, I am an atheist for disclosure).So, I liked Chennai, because it had a very different cultural undercurrent, I had good friends(a few Mallus, a few Tams, a few other Amits) and overall, perhaps I am a rice eater(does that disqualify me altogether from the race of Amit?)
So all said and done, why, at times do I sense a feeling of “oh-you-are-just-gonna-blurt-out-Chennai-suxxx-anytime-now-hold-it-hold-it-there” from my Chennai friends?
Just as like, Amits generalised everything in Chennai arent Selvakumars generalising the same thing about NI? (as twitter hashtag goes: #justasking )
P.S: Chennai Suxx even some of my Tam friends have said as well. Origin: kancheepuram,trichy
P.P.S: You got to accept, that heavy handed policing is not the answer to maintaining law and order. Surely it works, but trust me, it creates a hell for any person with testosterone in his blood(Amit or Selvakumar). And yeah TASMAC serves piss as beer.
P.P.P.S Do the girls of Chennai count me as fairskinned. Please please dont break my heart. Please say they do.
Adios,
Wannabe Amit
6th March 2010 at 3:22 pm
shaan says:
I think you have already written on this. Why do you give a damn to what they feel? Its good that they hate Chennai. Let them propagate that throughout the north. Its good for us. It will stop them from coming like buffaloes falling in a water hole.
6th March 2010 at 7:14 pm
Labakku Das says:
I am a Tam from Hyd. Schooling in Hyd and in Chennai for past 7 yrs. B.Tech and then working for the past 1.5yrs. How about a few different ones for a change? Let me see what you have to say. For a guy with family here, Chn is good. For a bachelor like me, it is HELL.
1)Why is dosai-kaapi stuff so costly in Chennai? Been to Bangalore? Hyderabad? Eaten in the “darshinis” – simple no frill stand and eat for a reasonable amount. The hotels are either like Hot Chips/HSB charging insane amounts or Kaiyendhi Bhavans catering to the masses. What about a middle class bachelor?
2)Tried to rent a house anywhere in Chennai? Oh you must be the elite Tam-Brahm from PSBB living in a posh house in Mylapore or T nagar. Chennai has the worst housing among Hyd-Bang-Chn. I have had horrible experiences over the past 1 yr. There is a serious dearth of quality housing. There are too few flats.Chennai rents are also the costliest. So compared to Hyd-Bang, food is costly and rents are costly.
3)OK, what about theatres? Why should a ticket cost 80bucks in Ega/Casino/Udhayam? Been to any theatre in Hyd? For 50Rs you will get a Devi level experience. Again the extreme ends of the spectrum
4) Dude, what do you eat when you are hungry at 5PM and there is nothing to eat at home? Where do you eat ? Also, do you eat idli-dosai in the nights daily? You don’t touch rice is it? If NO, then why the hell don’t hotels offer rice in the night? What am i supposed to eat? The same dosai that I ate in the morning?
Only 2 classes of people can enjoy Chennai – the lower middle class who can make do with Kaiyendhi Bhavans and barotas (jeez!). Or the upper middle class who can afford HSB daily.
6th March 2010 at 2:34 pm
Ramya says:
hello dilip .. i think you are’nt a perfect person to say abt chennai plz remove this .. your fifth point was bull shit. think u r a north indian better stay away from chennai n say ur people to not to come n stay here ..coz u people can only there to expose.. making de city strange .. better u suck .. shit
6th March 2010 at 6:22 pm
Amit says:
Bravo,
Well written I must say…
Ignorance is bliss… in this case piss…
Why is it that I see so many posts defending Chennai, as a pure and serene town with absolutely no shortcoming..
I’d only like to mention one point here… yes just one… this point sums up all the problems that people have with Chennai and the reason why it was voted the 7th most city (just food for thought… so many respondents felt so for chennai…yet no one has left any room for improvement in the city…as it is ‘perfect’…so to speak)…
Anyway,…. Chennai’s most important caveat… are it’s people!!!
Yes…people like Dilip and Rajesh and Kart’h'ik
The native population is
1. Unhygienic
2. Smelly… (as a result of ^^, but still very irritating)
3. Very conservative for any sort of corporate development (Restaurants close at 3, gates close at 9, no non veg/alcohol/girls in your apartment) Mind you these are rules specific to Chennai..nowhere else will you find such a fine and disciplined manner of living…
4. Rude to anyone who cant speak in Tamil…(An extension of which…is that they render services at an almost unbearable expense to anyone nt frm the land of tams)
5. They add an ‘h’ and an ‘aa’ to every word… let’s face it …it’s just irritating… and ‘h’ is pronounced ‘hech’…
6. Their nature to levy restrictions… Only cheap shitty liquor is allowed in TASMAC..(a booming underground blackmarket says otherwise)
And the list goes on with several such adjectives…
Addressing a couple of points raised by you…
@Food : there is ample availability of vada dosa and rice etc etc in say delhi or mumbai… and if there are north indians present in Chennai..why should they not expect dal roti…
(case in point: you said dhal instead of dal)
@Language: it’s not that people dont speak in Hindi…they chose not to around anyone who does so as to fleece every outsider
@Girls: No one would mind seeing any good looking girls around…you might belong to a different orientation…so might be good for you…
If you dont like it…You’re lying… and to yourself….
Hope this time around, people can take the criticism constructively..
As someone who has lived here for a considerable while… There are a lot of advantages here… but only if u’re native… if u’re not…you’re not welcome…
If only you could take an outsider’s perspective you would know why a lot of poeple still done mention chennai in the same leagues as delhi mumbai bangalore
Cheers
6th March 2010 at 1:50 pm
Amit says:
Also Dil-eep,
Hindi’s not the National Language…
Though, it does happen to be the official language as you can find on the ‘government’ link below, not some random article about a state government gone rogue
http://india.gov.in/knowindia/official_language.php
T&R,
6th March 2010 at 11:32 am
Santiago says:
ws wondering wat to write ever since i read ur reply… bt den tot – why waste words? Amit, I say this with no ill feeling – but you’re a cunt. I was going to say whiny ass cunt..but why waste words..
ps if ur wondering- I’m not from tamil nadu..but hav been livin here for 5 yrs nw..
pps do u have a website amit?
jus wanted to post “ur a cunt” there too
6th March 2010 at 2:59 am
Franc says:
Chennai is my home , and im proud of it . To all the people from the north : you guys are no better , you come to chennai and trash the place up like a fuckin plague ,, if u think it sucks , why dont u get the fuck out of here !! and go stuff your faces with rajma chawal , the best food that the north has to offer, if there’s anything that sucks its that coz it looks like shit ! ur brains don’t function well coz u eat this crap and you create words like roxxxx and suxxx ,, . If you don’t know much about Chennai , I strongly suggest that you put ur balls where ur mouth is and shut the fuck up !!
6th March 2010 at 4:22 pm