Steve Jobs uses Toilet paper!

Interestingly after the exciting news that Steve Jobs though on medical leave is running Apple from home, it looks like there is no stopping for Mr. Jobs and Apple Inc.

In an unprecedented manner the new piece of information that has hit today on the news stands has sent shock waves through the media world and shaking ground up the apple fan community.

Yes, its official. Steve Jobs uses toilet paper after taking a dump. The information was leaked when the man himself ordered environmental friendly, bio-degradable toilet paper that was delivered right at his doorstep by Amazon at a special discount price of USD $2.99 per wipe.

Mr. Jobs confesses that toilet paper maybe more expensive than water but then its all about the experience and the stability that matters. When you see the scum on paper and you know you’re getting what you are paying for. Mr. Jobs also accused people who use water need to shut their windows down and forget the narrow view of the world, open the doors and get out and take a bite of that forbidden fruit to know what reality is.

It is estimated that the stock price of toilet paper companies would go up by 350% and stocks aren’t going to last long since people have already been spotted outside wallmart & Ikea stores frantically typing on their iPhones calling friends to embrace the supremacy of personal hygiene, the toilet paper.

Twitter has complained that its server’s are being abused by iPhone apps in the last 24 hours ever sense this news about Jobs running apple from home and his using toilet paper has been leaked and hashtags such as #jobs #wfh #homework #appleisgod #jobsischrist #toiletpaperisyummy have all registered approximately 45 million hit counts.

Facebook is considering disabling all groups and applications relating to apple and Mr. jobs, in order to survive through this ordeal of information overload this kind of news leaks that seem to bring cyber space to a grinding halt.

P.S: The above news article is NOT true in any manner whatsoever. Mac fan boys can chill out and have a good laugh like those Mac vs. PC ads makes you laugh. Neither is this article intended to insult or abuse any person, company or service in any manner whatsoever nor is it intended to represent anyone in any context. Its purely satire and comedy

A day in Daksha’s Life

Daksha is my best’est friend. Let me introduce you to a wonderful day, a typical hour to minute affair in her wonderful life…

NOTE: Please view all links found here to get the complete picture.

0630: Daksha wakes up and finds fly on the Sevuru of her bedroom. She takes a pic of it. Fly does not fly away and Daksha yells "yay" in excitement. Unfortunately she has not brushed (in 4 days) and fly falls dead on the floor instantaneously. Neighboring fly was admitted as trauma case and is still fighting for its life in ICU.

0730: Daksha goes to shower but finds it too cumbersome so douzes off some more spinz deo on herself and says "there is always tomorrow and there is always hope for those who believe".

0830: Daksha is driving on the road and paper flowers and firangipani are on the road. She takes a pic of paper flowers and uploads it to flickr and names it "Chintha Poovu" and the Frangipani upload as "Bentha Poovu" in her mind.

1030: Daksha pings people on google chat "ooi, enna pannara" (which is usually the unfortunate me) and regardless of the reply you give her response is "im bored!!!". Any further conversation will result in a response "Hmmm.." from her. (hmm.. idhukkaaga naanga enna cabre dance’a ada mudiyum ivanga office’kku vandhu). She finally uploads a pic called "bored" and kills her boredom, phew.. thappichchomda sami.

1230: "ooi enna pannare" continues one more time again and i say "im goin out for lunch" and she again responds "im bored"… to which i standardly respond "wanna join me for lunch?" to which she sighs, "sir will not allow…"

0230: Daksha pings me on gmail chat again and ironically asks "are you jobless? you are always on chat all the time?" to which i respond "i work from home"… daksha does not agree… she wins… im certified jobless.. sattire is an aspect of life, i understand that much.. and so can you never win arguing with women, which is also a universal truth

0330: Daksha teaches her flickr audience some arithmetic. She uploads this

0530: Daksha leaves for home, she stops by the road again to take pics of flowers but she runs over the flower she took a pic of in the morning with her car and kills it. She takes a pic of the dead flower, uploads to flickr and calls it "sithu boolnu" and sudhamshu is happy he can get that tulu part of it finally!

0630: SMS from daksha "u wrote that stupid blog about me you idiot! next time i see you i will slap you!!!"

0635: Dilip turns off comp and cell phone and hides under the sheets and prays for dear life, yeah right!

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Immanuel is a Pundai

No, we are not swearing at somebody here. Not certainly me. This post is merely an inspiration from this post. I was tempted to write. Immanuel was our School math teacher during 9th and 10th grade. Immanuel master was special. Why? Because the kids knew how to pass a math exam. He taught tuition classes that costs you Rs. 80 per month and if you went for those classes it means you get a guaranteed 40% and pass the math exam. Not just that, he was sight adchifying the cute 18 year old french teacher, whom most of the kids in the class were sight adchifying too.

Nevertheless the point of this post is not about Mr. Immanuel our math teacher or his sex somersaults but its about toilets. Yes, toilets in the school. Wait, i know you wan’t to know what it has to do with the title. Allow me to explain.

"Immanuel is a Pundai" was the most scribbled text in all toilet wall’s in the school. Of course, other teachers having sex with weird unexplainable things and being castrated or crucified in horrendous ways were also a vital part of the loo art that you would find in these toilets but Immanuel master topped the hate list followed by our biology teacher susan rajan who was precariously described as slime. Why? Because she was the only person on earth who would eat with her right hand and dissect a cockroach off the left, peel things off it and explain things to students will she munched food in her mouth. Brilliant! Yes, she was!

Of course, we had Miss Sheela Christopher who was our Chemistry teacher. I’m not sure how good her chemistry was but her language was pathetic. She always used to point out to our unruly class leader and yell "munnadi pora yeruma maadu ozhunga ner kodula pona than, pinnadi vara yeruma maadu ellam ozhunga ner kottula nadakkum" and she added "munnala pora yeruma maede seri illa, pinnala vara erumaigalellam enna pannum?". Of course, she was promptly rewarded with fantastic  pictures of her riding yeruma maadu’s in the nude and also giving birth to a yeruma kannu kutti. Utter genius in artistic expression. I remember winning 4 rangoli competitions in school successively from 7th - 10th grade during the childrens day festival and project days/exhibition. If only the judges visited the toilets to see the art on the wall, i swear i would not have had a chance in the remote possibilities of planet earth.

I studied in a "All Boys" school till 10th grade. The world famous in perambur "St. Mary’s Matriculation Boys Higher Secondary School" and all of our school toilets were famous and had so much culture and history as much as our school did. Everyday we failed to do homework and we had to kneel down outside class and the cute french miss walked by laughing at us we would rush to the toilet to draw such weird things of the oppressing teacher of that particular period, what awesome a way it was to take it out on them. It was a fantastic channel because the staff toilet which was close to the staff room was cleaned on an hourly basis and kept well compared to the students toilet which was cleaned only when there was a cholera break out amongst school kids, housed in the classes close to the toilet.

To start with, none of the toilets had doors. Yes, no kidding! Im not talking about urinals where you stand and take a piss, im talking about toilets where you squat. No doors, the school management believed doors were too much of an expense and we were "just kids" and deserved no privacy even while taking a shit. Nevertheless, no sane person in their realistic senses would ever go shit there and most of us never did with one or two of those weirdo kids who found these places habitable. We stayed away from those folks all the time, we knew they were of an elite kind. In fact when a kid goes to the toilet we know of what hard bound stuff they are made of and finally they get elected to be School Pupil Leader (SPL) and Assistant SPL. That was our test, the ultimate one that makes you SPL.

To conclude, i would kindly request we relocate all teaching activity in toilets because i think that is the only place where young boys have the utmost concentration and intense dedication when it comes to doing some work. Look at those drawings, breathtaking! I mean, sometimes i used to see women with so many tits, i could not even count them with my poor math skills. Some sex positions were so impossible, if not innovative, they would beat the crap out of kama sutra. I think what we should have is a public addressable system with isolated toilets with walls to separate each kid. This teacher can speak over the mic and deliver the lecture material via the speakers installed in each kuckoose and you will see the artistic potential of each and every kid revealed to the best possible extent.

I also suggest we fire all these useless old blokes and hire chick 18 year olds as teachers (like our french teacher) and ensure that in this way the students behave themselves and look their best and the teacher has the complete attention and control of the class. I think this is the best formula for any boys school. I hope St. Mary’s school is listening.

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The Chronicles of Nara…

Due to excessive pressure and request from Daksha, im posting the image and the story behind these. See this comment here for some background on this. Infact narain endorses these words himself.

????? ????? ??????? ?????????? ???????, bleady dawg

Vishwa likes peacock feather’s much, narain says. This is a posed one thats made to looks like its not been posed at all. Natural things are vishwa’s fav.

Thinking of Vishwa, eternal love is special a feeling…. those moments… that voice, those memories….

This is how vishwa hugs you, (kaathal sadu gudu song playing in the background). and your heart goes like mid 80’s ilayaraja movie music background… “than thana than thana than thana than thana than thana hey!”

If you wanna get the feel of how this would feel, then watch the video below…

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Barrack, before & after the Debate

Awesome Video. If Obama wins then this guy will have an awesome career.

This guy is just awesome.

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The Excuse

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Monkey Business

The question is how are the animals treated. Looks like they love the soya beam tip and the 2 hour work time but then is this only in front of the camera? Do these monkeys work for more hours?

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5 stages of a blogger’s life

5 stages of a blogger’s life

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Finally, we know whom to blame!

The Story of his Best Friend

The Indian System of Stereo-typing teaches you ridiculous things which sometimes may lead to horrible consequences like missing out some of the most charismatic experiences in life. Fresh out of college, waiting to break the bubble into the BPO industry one young fellow joined a small time call center and was put through the American Accent Training.

Quickly making use of the opportunity the young man made friends with many of the fellows and a few of the women. Then there was this loud girl who wore a pretty decent shirt and a skirt and was well dressed and seemed to be from a rich off background. As fate would have it, the young man was brainwashed that skirts and fashionable formal shirts are worn by rich arrogant bastards and they are just not worth getting to know.

The young man kept his distance and felt safe and happy amidst his custody of normal friends while his batch of colleagues at work were split into two, Batch 35A and batch 35B.
The Young man was safe in A and was trained in the first floor while the rich girl went to B and was trained in the second floor. Ill luck had it that after we graduated our American accent training batch A and B would be merged and they would all be trained together on the product and American culture.

The young mans 14 days of fun came to an end as the batches merged, the young man still kept his distance and felt content with what he had.

One fine evening post work he found his friend Neil talking to this same very arrogant rich girl whom was not to be trusted but ridiculously Neil yells out as the young man tried to slip by "Yo gates" (the young man’s American name was Michael Gates) "come over here dog, this is Stacy Colin" and the young man with fear blurted a feeble "hey" and the rich arrogant woman contrary to the expectations happened to respond….

"thaaa chee, kasmaalam. gates’u boot’su… ozhunga peri solli thola da paavi"
English Translation: you useless fellow why the hell call yourself gates and boots… what’s the real name you sinner…. (of course in a very very slang accent and the most lo-fi mannerism for a woman on planet earth ever!)

The young man’s heart fluttered with joy "this ugly thing croaks from the same stinking swamp that I come from" and before the young man could respond the lady dragged him by the shirt collar and yelled "i’m too hungry and i need something to eat, take me to some stupid food joint". We went out as a gang of 14, i think and we counted the coins in our wallet and brought one Mini Idly at Adayar Sangeetha and shared it amongst ourselves.

Sharada was neither rich, nor arrogant. In fact she really in reality is just a kick ass clown. She can make anyone laugh at any given point in time at any place. She was just as bloody broke a stingy average middle class beggar like most of us Desi’s and happens to have a good sense of fashionable dressing.

Ever since ever speck of laughter, every drop of tear, every sprinkle of joy and every dew of depression was shared between the this young man and the woman and she got to be his best friend for life. Time took them apart, he moved Bangalore job hopping, her overtly smart brains got her a 12000 pound Chevening scholarship from the British government and took her to Oxford for her masters.

A few weeks ago one fine, morning the young man got a call from her sisters mobile in the wee hours of the morning while he was fast asleep, something like 9.45 AM. He picked up the phone and he hears a familiar voice yell "dei naan vandhutten daa", yaarunnu recognize panna mudiyaradhaa?" (dude im here, can you recognize who this is?).
Years of distance and mountain loads of fun that was devoid to them resumes for the next 2 weeks while she is here for her sisters engagement.

That is the Story of how Dilip got his best friend Sharada, and where it lies in the present day.