How to Live Life

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Reality Bites!

Apparently the latest publicity stunt is recruiting Kapil Dev into the Indian Army. Captain Suresh pinged me on this.

Right after a great party at a club in a happy mood i find this news a bit inspiring and pissing me off at the same time. Kapil Dev wants to serve in the army, wow! Nice read, call it a publicity stunt which it fucking is, its still nice to hear and is inspiring.

On the flip side, we have screwed our soldiers so much in the Sixth Pay Commision. We have treated them so shoddily that we need celebrity stunts to inspire people to serve in the army. I met a friend today evening who works for the hotel industry and he was telling me how Malaysian Tamil's crib about who will change this country for the better and how they feel its an impossible task.

I feel for once he is right. For a country that cannot respect the guys and gals who are waiting for the bullet to their head, india is fucked.

Today is October 2nd. I gladly say "Fuck off" india. i'm tired of your indian'ism.

Everybody's Darling

That's precisely what she is. I don't think i can put it in more simpler terminology than that. I specifically shot this image with the title in mind. Some of her relatives were cherishing her surprise visit for her sisters wedding engagement and there was so much fun.

Something's just make your day..

Not a very day today since i've been in front of the computer preparing for a certification exam tomorrow. Its been quite stressful and tiring. Just when i'm about to hit the sack, i check google and guess what? I find this...

The LHC on googles homepage! Fucking awesome man! I just can't appreciate the genuine efforts and the commitment to science. I feel like as if google is saying "fuck off" to every other religious fuck in the world.

Go Google!

Raji

Oh well, it seems like some sort of friendship week this week since im posting all portraits of close friends. So here is another master blaster. Raji is Sharada's sister. Ever since Sharada has been to the UK and i have no accomplice for the usual criminal activities i indulge in, to share the guilt, Raji has saved me every other time from falling into the evil hands of goodness and becoming one of those useless, good for nothing nice guys.

Official companion for pointlessly roaming around the city on my bike, official liquor advisor whom i credit with for my heavenly vodka fanaticism, official victim whom i snatch all that calvin and hobbes books from without a zilch of guilt or shame, official complaint cell whom i call amidst her board meeting and crib the hell out when i have a bad day at work or get into unimaginable stuff that cannot be mentioned on flickr since i need to protect my intellectual criminal ideas, etc.,

This image was shot on the day before her wedding engagement when we were having a henna ceremony at home. The look on her face is the brink of the thin red line called patience. She has never kept the henna for anything more than 20 minutes in her life, today she had to keep it for close to four hours.

Hot Air Technology

Sharada can make anyone laugh at anytime, at any given place with so much ease. I consider that sense of humour a fantastic gift and one in a thousand i get to meet have it.  I cannot help but remember some of her crazy jokes while i enjoy the time i spend with her. Here is one to share with you so that you can laugh your but off.

While in training we folks used to play a game of freezing you ass to death, yes literally. Sort of. The back benchers were very close to the central Air Conditioning controls of the training room and often would reduce the temperature of room to 18 or sometimes even 16 or 13 and your bones would literally hurt from the chill air coming off the overhead vent. The trainer finally would find out and ask someone to turn it back on to the more tolerable 23or 25 only to be brought back to 18 when he is not looking.

One fine day, post the lunch break we were back at the training room and we found out the temperature was again set to 18 degree Celsius and this time the damn controls were stuck and broke. While each of us were F'ing around the son of a bitch who turned it down to 18 Sharada came up with an Ingenious technology.

Like a true fighter that takes it on himself with courage and boiling blood, she yelled out "okay, lets all blow hot air into it" and stood up on the chair and started blowing into the overhead A/C vent.

The Story of his Best Friend

The Indian System of Stereo-typing teaches you ridiculous things which sometimes may lead to horrible consequences like missing out some of the most charismatic experiences in life. Fresh out of college, waiting to break the bubble into the BPO industry one young fellow joined a small time call center and was put through the American Accent Training.

Quickly making use of the opportunity the young man made friends with many of the fellows and a few of the women. Then there was this loud girl who wore a pretty decent shirt and a skirt and was well dressed and seemed to be from a rich off background. As fate would have it, the young man was brainwashed that skirts and fashionable formal shirts are worn by rich arrogant bastards and they are just not worth getting to know.

The young man kept his distance and felt safe and happy amidst his custody of normal friends while his batch of colleagues at work were split into two, Batch 35A and batch 35B.
The Young man was safe in A and was trained in the first floor while the rich girl went to B and was trained in the second floor. Ill luck had it that after we graduated our American accent training batch A and B would be merged and they would all be trained together on the product and American culture.

The young mans 14 days of fun came to an end as the batches merged, the young man still kept his distance and felt content with what he had.

One fine evening post work he found his friend Neil talking to this same very arrogant rich girl whom was not to be trusted but ridiculously Neil yells out as the young man tried to slip by "Yo gates" (the young man's American name was Michael Gates) "come over here dog, this is Stacy Colin" and the young man with fear blurted a feeble "hey" and the rich arrogant woman contrary to the expectations happened to respond....

"thaaa chee, kasmaalam. gates'u boot'su... ozhunga peri solli thola da paavi"
English Translation: you useless fellow why the hell call yourself gates and boots... what's the real name you sinner.... (of course in a very very slang accent and the most lo-fi mannerism for a woman on planet earth ever!)

The young man's heart fluttered with joy "this ugly thing croaks from the same stinking swamp that I come from" and before the young man could respond the lady dragged him by the shirt collar and yelled "i'm too hungry and i need something to eat, take me to some stupid food joint". We went out as a gang of 14, i think and we counted the coins in our wallet and brought one Mini Idly at Adayar Sangeetha and shared it amongst ourselves.

Sharada was neither rich, nor arrogant. In fact she really in reality is just a kick ass clown. She can make anyone laugh at any given point in time at any place. She was just as bloody broke a stingy average middle class beggar like most of us Desi's and happens to have a good sense of fashionable dressing.

Ever since ever speck of laughter, every drop of tear, every sprinkle of joy and every dew of depression was shared between the this young man and the woman and she got to be his best friend for life. Time took them apart, he moved Bangalore job hopping, her overtly smart brains got her a 12000 pound Chevening scholarship from the British government and took her to Oxford for her masters.

A few weeks ago one fine, morning the young man got a call from her sisters mobile in the wee hours of the morning while he was fast asleep, something like 9.45 AM. He picked up the phone and he hears a familiar voice yell "dei naan vandhutten daa", yaarunnu recognize panna mudiyaradhaa?" (dude im here, can you recognize who this is?).
Years of distance and mountain loads of fun that was devoid to them resumes for the next 2 weeks while she is here for her sisters engagement.

That is the Story of how Dilip got his best friend Sharada, and where it lies in the present day.

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

I can relate to this feeling of friendship and when truck loads of love is poured on you and the excitement of just being loved knows no bounds. I feel this today. My best friend who now lives in the UK suddenly calls today morning while i was fast asleep. It's a surprise visit for attending her sisters engagement, who again is a killer of a friend.

I see happy times ahead, at east for the next 2 weeks while she is here. There is nothing like having your best friend around. You never get to realize how much of bloody fun you have been missing unless you get a taste of it again.

These guys were sheer fun with Shan during the henna evening. I reserved this picture for later but then i decided i must celebrate the uncontrollable amounts of sheer joy that shoots through my brains today.

Moving On..

More blasts, more people killed, more rubbish useless statements that aren't worth a paisa from our world class politicians and leaders. We still move on after burning/cremating our dead and yelling a few words in pain, shedding a few tears in despair and accept the fact of the matter that this is India and our lives are cheaper than a white man or black man elsewhere. No racism here, honestly.

When a Caucasian woman can complain “suspecting people taking inappropriate pictures” of her, when the bitch ventured out at 2 AM in the morning with two complete strangers in an alien country that she stepped into 15 hours ago (despite her husband’s orders to the driver to drop her in the hotel room, which she promptly ignored by skipping the driver and her own car) and the cops closing down every pub in town at 10 PM and frisking every brown man and woman on the road, even the innocent everyday call center job guy/girl driving to work with his/her company badge/ID.

What makes this brown man’s life negotiable? Is it because we are brown, dear government of India or is it because we spend in rupees when you could expect dollars and pounds? The white man left in 1947 or rather we chased him out! I wonder why we are continuously trying to kiss his ass, still?

What I would like to know is does India have an “Intelligence” department? If we do are they doing something or are they still jerking off to kinky DVD’s in front of their computers? Why am I getting the feeling that this is total intelligence failure or maybe lack of intelligence?

I now start getting forwarded SMS about some bomb alert in Chennai tomorrow and to avoid public places where there is a lot of crowd. Do people even know what they are talking about? Do you know that you are talking about a country like India where tailgating and sometimes bruising the bumper of the vehicle in the front is normally the accepted way of driving? Do you even remember how people come and beg you to “adjust” with an unreserved ticket in a reserved train compartment, when there are already 5 seated in a seat for 3?

There is no such thing called “not crowded” places in India. Oh wait! There are family planning hospitals and corporation public schools. It’s always empty and we never go there, not even take shelter when it’s raining like cats and dogs. I guess all of us are safe there. I guess we finally found some use for these places, our crores of rupees blown and completely safe and inhabited bomb shelters!!!

Truth about creationism

I now have a valid excuse why I don't believe in creationism. I'm worried about the size of my penis. Look at this bloody image....

Every image of a man reaching out to god, they either have a small dick or in this case, almost no dick at all! I don't care if I go to hell, but as long as im alive im gonna have a normal penis and there is no one getting in between me and my tool. Not even god!

del.icio.us Tags: The Creation,Michaelangelo,image,god,penis,joke,humour,religion,personal

Withered

I work at Tidel Park, I live in Velachery. Now the road to Tidel Park via the Tharamani Link Road is kind of Tedious. So folks like me usually take a short cut short after the CSI church on this road and go through a well cemented slum dwelling and reach the Ascendas IT Park Road. This saves about 2 Kilo meters of Travelling distance, fuel and of course most importantly avoid the damn traffic!

I'm a bit off the usual folks (which is not unusual at all) and I take this small road that takes me through a set of speed breaker ridden street that hurts the spine like crazy. Yet, I drive through this road. Why? The reason is obvious, the road is short, cold, winding and has this temple and small houses of slum dwellings and has an absolute village atmosphere amidst the polluted city. Its such a refreshing experience to travel down this road, look at the rituals in the temple as you drive by, have the cows cross the road all the way, goats, dogs, hen, cats, there is just so much to see.

I happened to be driving back home and I had the camera with me and I stopped by to get a few pictures of this temple structure. Its worn out but an active temple on the road side. The fresh paint has been eroded by the summer rains in Chennai. I just love this place, I do.

Canon EOS 400D with the Sigma 24-70MM F/2.8. Aperture Priority, F/4 at 1/320th of a Second.

del.icio.us Tags: religion,street photograhy,daily life,blog,camera,photogrpahy,image,nearby nature,india,info,temple,withered,colours,texture

Hell's Angel - Mother Teresa

A perspective nobody wants to hear about Mother Teresa. One does not need to be an expert in social work or political history to open your eyes and see what is reality. Just take into account what she claimed to be doing and then compare it with what she actually did in reality and you see an enormous gap in the data.

So where did all the money go and where is all that 1500 plus feeding centres established by Mother Teresa in Calcutta? I mean, I was there in Calcutta not a year ago, all I saw was like one broke ass centre which was accessible to a hand picked few Dalit Christians who possessed the food card that allowed you entry into the home that gave away free food.

Secondly, where are those 15000 plus odd people that are fed? The last time I heard it was nothing more than 300 people out of which close to 190 are employees of the Mother's Home themselves.

What more, with all the money and funding she had the Home was nothing better to a refugee camp in Africa. They provide minimal medicines to their sick and ailing inmates, like say brufen, anacin, procin kind of basic tablets doctors do not even prescribe anymore because of their well known side effects and ineffectiveness and also because of the availability of better drugs in the present time.

Then there are mentally challenged women who are almost nude. They don't have proper clothes to cover what a woman needs to cover up in public space, beasts and crotch. Yes, you can see all of that here and no you don't need to be a pervert to keep a peep at the cleavage, Mother's home makes it easier for you by purposefully not dressing up their inmates properly. Why? Because they want you to see starvation, sickness and pain everywhere so that your money will flow into their bank accounts.

They don't treat the sick well because they believe in salvation of the human soul through pain. Jesus Christ suffered at the cross. Similarly they believe in suffering at the hands of disease and attaining salvation through pain.

Hygienic standards, oh yes. They are the best, I could say and I could not be more sarcastic. There is a 6  by 4 bed that everybody lies in, all of them lined up in a hall. No room to move, no adequate ventilation because there are not much fans for the huge hall but for a few. With a high number of communicable disease and the inmates not being able to bathe in a daily basis due to water shortage (because the home cannot afford to buy water, apparently) infection is a critical issue that no one gives a damn about in this place.

It's very confusing to me, Hindu temples like Tirumala and Tirupathi have to pay taxes (approximately US$700 million) and declare their income which is used for maintaining churches and mosques. However Mother's home and any other church/mosque for that matter have a free run here tax free unquestioned about their income and expenditure activities. We know for fact that donations from India alone cross approximately 80 Million US dollars every year.

Where is that money, why do these people have to live in such pathetic conditions despite such enormous funds at their disposal. If this were for anyone else "Human Rights Violation" the press would have screamed, oh well its a Christian outfit and its Mother Teresa, I mean its not some ordinary pauper whom you can do all your yelling on.

All is fair in love and war but Mother Teresa, sorry bitch, you aren't getting my money. I will give it to the local church or nunnery who really feed the poor and take care of them and voluntarily declare their income and expenses and don't convert people and secretly baptise people in the name of charity. You are dead anyway's and you can peacefully burn in hell if there is one in the first place.

del.icio.us Tags: blog,Mother Teresa,Relaity,Emotion,Religion,Charity,Hell's Angel,Orphanage

How to kick your wife's ass as per Allah...

Isn't that cool? Allah gives clear cut instructions on how to beat your wife. What a peace loving god Allah is and what a peace loving religion Islam is. Peace to one and all.

del.icio.us Tags: allah,beating wife,how to beat wife,wife,violence,religious dogma,religion,islam,spouse,domestic violence

When I really don't mind being a monkey...

Need I say more. Like in Tamil they say "vaazhvu than". Sometimes it feels so lame we outgrew being a monkey. Particularly when you see graphically violent images such as these...

When NO becomes scarce

I'm seriously wondering, when on earth did the word "NO" become a luxury to be used so scarcely? Off late i find people using this very less. Maybe its just me or maybe its the norm or maybe in not in sync with times but this is what is happening.

You walk up to a friend, you scrap em on orkut or send a msg and ask them if they would care to join you out on a weekend plan or a simply day hanging out to kill boredom and the response you get is unbelievable.

I know that a "NO" or a "No Thanks" is a perfect response for every simple situation regardless of the person, place and time involved in any situation. Yet what you get is a direct insult like a "poda vennai", "onakku vera velaye illaya?" or rude upper case shouting to state a simple negative response such as a no. I wonder what part of me is that makes them feel im so cheap enough to take this kind of a treatment.

The fact in reality however is that i take this treatment and pretend as if nothing happens. Often the lame excuse is that i say "people always need a second chance" but truth is i need an excuse. You have to draw a line, if you get rid of every one around you because they don't respond to you like you expect them to then loneliness is the only company you can have.

Isolation is a heaven to visit and a hell to stay.