Reality Bites!

Apparently the latest publicity stunt is recruiting Kapil Dev into the Indian Army. Captain Suresh pinged me on this.

Right after a great party at a club in a happy mood i find this news a bit inspiring and pissing me off at the same time. Kapil Dev wants to serve in the army, wow! Nice read, call it a publicity stunt which it fucking is, its still nice to hear and is inspiring.

On the flip side, we have screwed our soldiers so much in the Sixth Pay Commision. We have treated them so shoddily that we need celebrity stunts to inspire people to serve in the army. I met a friend today evening who works for the hotel industry and he was telling me how Malaysian Tamil's crib about who will change this country for the better and how they feel its an impossible task.

I feel for once he is right. For a country that cannot respect the guys and gals who are waiting for the bullet to their head, india is fucked.

Today is October 2nd. I gladly say "Fuck off" india. i'm tired of your indian'ism.

Everybody's Darling

That's precisely what she is. I don't think i can put it in more simpler terminology than that. I specifically shot this image with the title in mind. Some of her relatives were cherishing her surprise visit for her sisters wedding engagement and there was so much fun.

The Story of his Best Friend

The Indian System of Stereo-typing teaches you ridiculous things which sometimes may lead to horrible consequences like missing out some of the most charismatic experiences in life. Fresh out of college, waiting to break the bubble into the BPO industry one young fellow joined a small time call center and was put through the American Accent Training.

Quickly making use of the opportunity the young man made friends with many of the fellows and a few of the women. Then there was this loud girl who wore a pretty decent shirt and a skirt and was well dressed and seemed to be from a rich off background. As fate would have it, the young man was brainwashed that skirts and fashionable formal shirts are worn by rich arrogant bastards and they are just not worth getting to know.

The young man kept his distance and felt safe and happy amidst his custody of normal friends while his batch of colleagues at work were split into two, Batch 35A and batch 35B.
The Young man was safe in A and was trained in the first floor while the rich girl went to B and was trained in the second floor. Ill luck had it that after we graduated our American accent training batch A and B would be merged and they would all be trained together on the product and American culture.

The young mans 14 days of fun came to an end as the batches merged, the young man still kept his distance and felt content with what he had.

One fine evening post work he found his friend Neil talking to this same very arrogant rich girl whom was not to be trusted but ridiculously Neil yells out as the young man tried to slip by "Yo gates" (the young man's American name was Michael Gates) "come over here dog, this is Stacy Colin" and the young man with fear blurted a feeble "hey" and the rich arrogant woman contrary to the expectations happened to respond....

"thaaa chee, kasmaalam. gates'u boot'su... ozhunga peri solli thola da paavi"
English Translation: you useless fellow why the hell call yourself gates and boots... what's the real name you sinner.... (of course in a very very slang accent and the most lo-fi mannerism for a woman on planet earth ever!)

The young man's heart fluttered with joy "this ugly thing croaks from the same stinking swamp that I come from" and before the young man could respond the lady dragged him by the shirt collar and yelled "i'm too hungry and i need something to eat, take me to some stupid food joint". We went out as a gang of 14, i think and we counted the coins in our wallet and brought one Mini Idly at Adayar Sangeetha and shared it amongst ourselves.

Sharada was neither rich, nor arrogant. In fact she really in reality is just a kick ass clown. She can make anyone laugh at any given point in time at any place. She was just as bloody broke a stingy average middle class beggar like most of us Desi's and happens to have a good sense of fashionable dressing.

Ever since ever speck of laughter, every drop of tear, every sprinkle of joy and every dew of depression was shared between the this young man and the woman and she got to be his best friend for life. Time took them apart, he moved Bangalore job hopping, her overtly smart brains got her a 12000 pound Chevening scholarship from the British government and took her to Oxford for her masters.

A few weeks ago one fine, morning the young man got a call from her sisters mobile in the wee hours of the morning while he was fast asleep, something like 9.45 AM. He picked up the phone and he hears a familiar voice yell "dei naan vandhutten daa", yaarunnu recognize panna mudiyaradhaa?" (dude im here, can you recognize who this is?).
Years of distance and mountain loads of fun that was devoid to them resumes for the next 2 weeks while she is here for her sisters engagement.

That is the Story of how Dilip got his best friend Sharada, and where it lies in the present day.

Vaiko Meets Obama, makes pictures to prove it too!

Photo Credit: Shekhar Krishnan

Apparently Vaiko thinks none of us read the newspapers or do not know who Barrack Obama is. Its either than or he was smoking ACID when he asked for this posted to be printed.

For my dear Caucasian, African-American, Latino, Spanish, French, European, Hispanic and whatever the race from you are and if you do not know who Vaiko is, take it from me with faith. He is an asshole. For starters he supports the LTTE and then the list is endless.

Apparently vaiko met obama in Chicago when he was in one of his official visits to the US of A blowing our indian middle class tax money. Now the trouble is, indian people are hard to convince on some of this shit and hence vaiko did the obvious. Guess what? Yes, he made the picture himself.

This too shall pass...

We all know the value of Indian life is cheap. Once again our terrorist brothers have done a wonderful deed to re-iterate that fact today in Bangalore. Disappointingly though, the death toll did not even cross 100, hang on it was not even 10, oh hell, just 2? Two is all you got this time? Two? Looks like you’re getting a fucked up appraisal this quarter at work, Mr. Terrorist because I’m not impressed and I bet your Pakistani or whatever boss the heck he is, isn’t either.

I can see the future ahead like I’m a fortune teller of fantastic norms. I bet there will be an enquiry commission and I bet there will be a buzz about this for the next 1 week in the news papers and TV and “The Big Debate” is going to be this topic for a few days to come, after which the Indian press will seriously write useful things like how our favorite big bachan’s are doing a great job for just being there for us and how homely aishwarya rai looked in a sari like an Indian girl when she came to open that school named after her.

'I am shocked and strongly condemn this act aimed at creating panic among the public. I appeal to people to maintain calm and peace and the government is with you,'' said Yeddyurappa.

Why do I get the feeling that the Indian Press and Politicians are actually funding terrorists so that they can bomb more places and they can write about this more while ignoring the recent trading of MP’s in our parliament house. I mean, I seriously don’t get it? If you can buy men for a sum of money inside the parliament why can’t we buy women or children on the roads for the same sum of money? I don’t see how different slave trade or flesh trade is from what our parliamentarians are doing inside the parliament. At least in slavery and flesh trade you are fucking around with one person’s life.

As for the 60 year old senior citizen who died in the blast, sorry lady, I really am. You will be forgotten before your corpse burns at the cremation ground. You are weak and the ones who love you are weak and they have no money. If you are not might then you can no way be right, because might is always right in India and I can tell you firsthand about it. I don’t believe in soul’s but I hope your family at the least gets a decent Rs. 1 lakh as government aid and after all bribing around the thasildhar office and what’s left of the few thousands of it allows them to rebuild their broken hut in their slum or send your grandchild to school.

Truth about creationism

I now have a valid excuse why I don't believe in creationism. I'm worried about the size of my penis. Look at this bloody image....

Every image of a man reaching out to god, they either have a small dick or in this case, almost no dick at all! I don't care if I go to hell, but as long as im alive im gonna have a normal penis and there is no one getting in between me and my tool. Not even god!

del.icio.us Tags: The Creation,Michaelangelo,image,god,penis,joke,humour,religion,personal

Bad Questions to ask a transsexual.

Awesome Video. I can't relate to this more than now.

It's funny how many of those dumb asses there are really who would really ask such fucked up questions in the first place. I know this personally I get some really fucked up questions all the time. gggawwhh! I wish the world was filled with more smart people who had brains the size of a common ground squirrel and would have the basic moral judgement to know what questions are ok and not ok to ask.

del.icio.us Tags: transsexuals,questions,youtube video,humour,throught,education

The Empire Strikes Barack

Too good. Awesome video...

The Empire Strikes Barack

Via Richard Wanderman

 

del.icio.us Tags: barrack obama,youtube video,video,politics,fun,humour,USA

Status Messages that will really work.

Sometimes its annoying despite what you put on your IM status message people ping you for all sort of things. Here are some status messages that may really work... (i guess)

1. Busy watching porn, do not disturb (gentlemen, please don't complain if your buddies want a copy of it)
2. Talking with my ex-GF/BF, not in a good mood (this is almost a sure fire, unless your ex see's it)
3. Gotta use the restroom, thanks to my constipation (don't be sorry if people ask you what you ate!)
4. Would you go to bed with me? Ping if its a 'yes'! (you're in deep shit if the yes comes from the person of the same gender)
5. Practicing my swearing capabilities today, ping to assist. (don't complain if someone wants to compete)
6. I'm an atheist, that means you are wrong (better than the others, this may do it, but then....)
7. I can't believe what I'm seeing, can a penis cut hair? (Dave Chapelle may agree)
8. Today's topic, Arranged Marriage vs. Love Marriage. (Indian people have done much of this shit)
9. If you're single, I'm ready to mingle (definitely will scare all the hot women, but the ugly bitches will talk. now gentlemen, on 2nd thoughts do we really want this?)
10. I'm getting married to a rich, bald NRI! (All the hot tambram gals can use this and get away with 99.9% success rate, it's useless hitting on you once you start thinking of a bald NRI, seriously!)

That's all i can think of now. Let me know if you have got better ideas. We may get this on the wikipedia and copyright this shit for royalty or something. Oh, while you are here, please click on some awful Google ads because that will bring me $$$$$.

del.icio.us Tags: blog,ranting,idea,humour,daily life,innovation

Destination Unknown

Planet X you are the real truth
Planet X you are lovely too
Planet X we are a new race
Inhabiting you with a lot of haste
After all of earth we had to waste.

Planet X the crystal maze
A brilliant gem in the sea of space
Now bound for the human race
Destruction swift, so much pace
From after earth’s disgrace

Planet X our plant and trees will take root
Our animals and bird’s you will give food
Give us shelter, livelihood
Make us feel nice and good.

Planet X you are just a means
You come to us only in dreams
We really don’t know to find you where
After all we did to earth was much unfair

Killing the blissful, fine and rare
And now we long form you is your share
Your absence will mean more despair
Planet X, will you be there?

del.icio.us Tags: poem,art,poetry,Destination Unknown,self,creation,experiment in art

How to kick your wife's ass as per Allah...

Isn't that cool? Allah gives clear cut instructions on how to beat your wife. What a peace loving god Allah is and what a peace loving religion Islam is. Peace to one and all.

del.icio.us Tags: allah,beating wife,how to beat wife,wife,violence,religious dogma,religion,islam,spouse,domestic violence

When I really don't mind being a monkey...

Need I say more. Like in Tamil they say "vaazhvu than". Sometimes it feels so lame we outgrew being a monkey. Particularly when you see graphically violent images such as these...

Indophile's, a gift from far away...

If you are aware of what Flickr is and if you are an Indian i would highly recommend you observe and learn from Indophile's on Flickr.

Yes, that's a name for a group, actually. A set of people who were born of a foreign origin but then fell in love with India so much that they are pretty much more Indian than most of us Indian's are. To start with go ahead and check out these three people. I admire them to the core...

1. Claude Renault
2. Eli Shams
3. Joel Dousset

All 3 of them have a french origin. All 3 of them have a fantastic Indian photo stream. Of the trio Claude is well known for his compositions and colors and simplicity although Eli or Joel is no lesser an expert. The core to this whole wonderful Indophile' ism is very simple.

Unlike most western journalists or tourists they have an open mind and have no predetermined agenda. They know more about Indian Culture than most Indians know of. Like an Atheist knows more of the Bible and Quran compared to any radical Muslim or fundamental Christian would know. I'm not trying to be racist but facts are facts. Most foreigners who come here (Caucasian in particular) have a preset agenda. Thanks to biased National Geographic/Discovery Channel documentaries and western media outlets showcasing the land of snake charmers/beggars/magicians/Hindu priests a.k.a "India".

Indophile's however are different, they showcase facts without any interpolation. If I were to point out an example of unadulterated and stupendous photo journalism at its best, I would as journalists to watch the streams of people such as Eli, Claude, Joel etc.,

India is much more than the beggars and superstitions that its now renowned for, there is culture and there is civilization. Being an atheist I sometimes find myself contradicting to my beliefs because I'm sometimes a possible Hindu apologist too. Looking through the pictures of Eli's photo stream you can get an excellent idea of Hinduism as a culture preaching peace, non violence and most of all devoid of rubbish such as killing another tribe if you cannot convert them kind of nonsense. Its all in there, you just have to look through the photo stream. Real world sadhu's, not the ones who have air conditioned ashrams where they commute using Benz S Class limo's.

You then have the colors of India, you have the people, their way of life, their values, their aspirations and their happiness with so little they have. Its all made available to you in a plate like hot jamuns when you run through her photo stream.
 
For 16 hours a day workaholics who live in the unfortunate city and count on a monthly paycheck for a living (or rather pay off the bills) traveling is a criminal thought and a luxury that we can afford, perhaps if we hit a lottery. People like Eli, make life easier for Indians like myself to know India better, i think that would sum it up all.

Why Religious Dogma is a problem...

Many people ask me, why am i so blatantly against religion? Why is that im so rude towards people and things that religion is associated with. Calling myself an atheist and making claims that im a better person by thought and actions than the average theist, why am i so filled with hatred against religion and what makes me any different from the religious vandals out there??

The problem is quite simple to explain. Let me draw a comparison. In life all of us like somethings and hate others. For example when i walk into a Consumer Appliance Store and ask for a Samsung LCD TV, it is because of the fact that i know Samsung is the world leader in display systems around the world and they have the best of technology and know how and products when it comes to displays. I have done my research and seen the demos and im convinced samsung fits my idea of a "perfect" LCD display system and hence im hell bent on buying it.

The problem here is if the salesman tries to convince me that Phillips is better then he needs to provide some tangible information for it, even in that case i may not favor it much since my personal research has already made me aware that samsung is good and i cannot really take for granted what the sales man says. I would politely refuse his offer and ask for a samsung again and be firm if he tries to convince more, at best walk out of the store to the next where i can get my samsung.

If only life was this simple with religion. Religion does not offer this option of being with someone else in the absence of faith in it. It claims to be the sole opportunity and the only way to get to someplace imaginary that no one has ever confirmed or reciprocated back with communication. Plus, end number of restrictions on what to do and what not to do when you get there and if you want to get there.

Religion simply is a disgrace to humanity for words like Blasphemy to exist.

Absolute power corrupts, anything or anyone with absolute power for that matter is a problem. Religion always wants you to surrender yourself absolutely to that god that it preaches and promotes without any questioning at all. It is in this perspective that religion fails miserably. No one has absolute authority that he cannot be question at all, including god. The result is for us to see here today. The Bible and Quran (and Gita to a minor extent too) preach open hatred against any disbeliever. The Quran calls for Jihad against them and the Bible punishes them with eternal damnation so that they will burn in hell for eternity. How cruel a thing to do to someone just because they did not believe in you!

Religion takes offense at anything and everything. Whilst as normal human beings when we take offense we avoid that thing or do not wish to associate with that person or thing, say for example prostitution. Religion thinks that it is so exclusive that no one that offends it needs to exist and calls upon the destroyal of that entity which is against nature. In nature, no animal kills another for any need other than food, survival.

This is precisely why i hate religion. I have friends whom i do not agree with on many a things yet we are good friends. This is not possible with religion. Exceptions are there but it can never be a norm for all religion claims its supreme exclusiveness. To me that is simply unnatural and potent a thought process.